Mary – Philadelphia

Going through coaching with Chris has changed my life. It is likely you have heard this statement about a life coach before and wondered if coaching could have such a profound impact. I am here to tell you it can.

I grew-up in a small town and idolized my mother – she was my role model. Even in the midst of the women’s right movement, my dream was to be a wife and mother. At the same time, my parents strongly encouraged and supported me to pursue education after high school. Two days after starting in a hospital program, I was raped walking to the hospital. It was at 8:30 a.m. in the morning and I was wearing a hospital uniform. With strong support and love from my family, I chose to stay in the program. I have a stubborn streak and didn’t want my attacker to also win by my not continuing the program.

The rape had a profound affect on me. I really didn’t even understand the full effect until I started working with Chris, even after having gone through two years of counseling. Looking back now and with a different perspective I think, at some level, I had Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Having been raped at 18 (4 days after my 18 th birthday) and having lived a sheltered childhood/young adulthood I became frozen at that point in my maturation regarding intimacy and developing sexual relationships with men. I was too fearful and untrusting. What is a special and moving experience shared by two people in my mind became a terrifying, violent act. This is how it all got unconsciously constructed in my mind. The result was that I spent 25 years, unknowingly, missing opportunities to meet people and develop serious intimate relationships. I was still that scared little girl that had been raped at barely 18.

Over the years, I had developed many strong and long-lasting friendships with both males and females, but never was able to become intimately involved with someone. Without really knowing it, I let my fears grip me and as time went on became convinced in my own mind that I was not attractive in a sexual way to men. In many ways it was easier to be one of the “guys.” This led to my going on a handful of dates over the last 25-years. I could have counted on one hand – maybe two – the number of guys I had gone out on dates with.

This totally contradicted my dream of being a wife and mother. I deeply buried this dream and believed it could not come true. Instead, I focused on building a career and furthering my education. The result was a successful career which allowed me to buy a house that I love, which I would never had thought I would be able to own. The problem was that I was not truly happy because I was dismissing my dream. This is why I started working with Chris as my life coach. I wanted to reconnect to my dream and find a way to achieve it.

Chris has taken me through a process that has allowed me to face my fears and understand that these fears are keeping me from achieving what I really want in life. Through his guidance, support, love (tough love at times, and really tough love at other times), I have been able to reconstruct my thinking and see myself as a sexual woman who is attractive to men and has many things to offer someone in a relationship. Chris has also used humor, when appropriate to help me with work through emotional issues and thoughts. His caring has made a sometimes painful process bearable for me.

I have grown in so many ways and have learned to leave my comfort zone and fight giving into the fear. I have gone on more dates in the last year than I had gone on in the previous 25. More importantly, I feel different around men and am able to manage my fears when going out with them. At times there is still a nagging voice of doubt, but Chris has provided me with the tools to challenge that voice and understand it is self-defeating to listen to it. I have also been able to transfer these tools to other relationships in both my work and personal life.

--Mary